The Apple

Story Line:

Lights up on the wing of an art museum. A janitor is mopping the floor. He shares with the audience that "someday" he would become a great artist just waiting to find the right medium. He takes out an apple and before he can eat it, he is interrupted by Moocher, a fast talking patron who needs a pen very badly. The janitor puts the apple down on an empty pedestal and searches his pockets for a pen. He is then called away to mop up a spill. He forgets the apple.

          Along come three art critics, Sisky, Ebee, and Rope who mistakenly believe the apple is a work of art. They criticize the unknown artist's work. Enter Moonshot, an eccentric and energetic patron who believes there are love beams emanating from the apple. He dominates the others by threatening to "flip" them with something hidden in his coat. He won't let them name or label the apple. Yet he gives it his own name ("the one who must not be labeled") He gets them to sit and feel the beams coming from the apple.

          Enter Elvis who probably is an Elvis impersonator but maybe not. The art critics start to offer their perceptions on Elvis who is inspired by the apple to sing some songs. Elvis leaves the building. Enter Peevish and Petula who improvise perceptions about the apple that ultimately inspires them to go fishing. They exit. Enter a mime who mimes eating the apple. Moonshot mimes a battle with the mime finally warding him off and protecting the apple. Afterwards, he convinces Sisky that it was a real battle, not pretend by having a mime battle with him.

          Enter Curly, Lara, Mona, three young students. Curly discovers that when she comes between Moonshot and the apple he moans in anguish. She plays with Moonshot's main beam and gets him to moan "Jingle Bells". Mona is then very moved by the apple and confesses her anguish that her teacher (on whom she has a crush) rebuffed an offering of an apple (apples give him hives). She them goes through a list of foods she could possibly give to him, but Curly and Lara negate each idea by listing the ways the food bothers the teacher.

          Enter Cally who perceives the apple to be a dangerous work of art, because there is no "Organically grown" label stuck on it. She convinces the others that it is alright to stick an "Organically grown" label (that she just happens to be carrying) on it and censor "the one who must not be labeled" for the "love of children". After revealing the threatening rubber spatula hidden in Moonshot's coat, she convinces everyone to protest the apple outside of the museum. They leave chanting "sauce the apple, sauce the apple" and hold generic fill in the blank protest signs (that Cally just happened to be carrying). Everyone exits. Enter Elvis, Peevish, Petula, the Mime, and Moocher. Moocher chases them across the stage. They exit. Enter the janitor who has been oblivious to everything that has transpired. He picks up the apple and eats it; again telling the audience the he would someday be a great artist. "Someday"